With my normal compliment of dry skin exaggerated by the tummy stretching going on right now, I am an itchy belly lady. Creams, moisturizing washes, and regular application of my fingernails do not help much. I itch.

I scratch my belly so much, I look like I need to be on a porch in the backwoods wearing a sticky flannel shirt and holding a warm beer.

*scratch scratch scratch*

That possum is under the porch again. Get the shotgun.

*scratch scratch scratch*

Presenting the first installment of Mórag’s Any Time Gift Guide.

Need a gift for someone just because? For a “thank you” or “nice job” or “hey this made me think of you?” occasion? Look no further for quirky weird gifts from vendors I’ve ordered from before. Mórag tested, recipient approved.

For the computer literate: Blogito, Ergo Sum. I blog, therefore I am.

For the person who likes organic food and also breakfast: organic honey set 60% off! Also, local honey is great for people who have seasonal allergies, so I’ve heard. So if you look for a local honey vendor, it might help your sneezy friend.

A fun, funky house gift for the casual decorator: “Hand painted sign” on eBay. This is not for the antique-silver-everywhere-never-stains-the-furniture type, but for a funky casual person? Some of the signs are a hoot. We have one over our bathroom door that says, “Nobody gets in to see the wizard. Not nobody. Not nohow.”

For the desk jockey:Got someone in your world whose job is opening the mail? Let him or her do it in formidable style. I’m partial to the barbarian style - but who wouldn’t want to invoke the honor of Grey Skull while opening the mail?

STFU. Aside from my BA from another school, I also went to this university.

Someone you know got a new job? Treat their inner 10 year-old to a gift - this is especially appropriate if you’ve known the promotee since you were kids.

Throw pillow: not manly. Throw pillow with remotes? Slightly more manly.

These are more expensive for a gift that’s just-because, but they’re very simple and very cute.

Know a somewhat arty-farty silver-wearing person? They might like this.

Want words on your walls but no stencil talent? Boo yah.

For the consummate hostess - a totally neat way to serve spreads, dips, or mark places at a table.

And finally, I need to talk myself out of ordering this.

Lame, my ass! That is so cool I can’t even tell you how awesome it is. A Red Six action figure.

Wow. Gives me hope for the future based on action figures of the past. 

In an attempt to reboot my attitude, which is kind of glum right now due to a bunch of little buggery problems that aren’t insurmountable, but when combined with a bad night’s sleep and the cough that never ends make me a little bummed out. So I will attempt to either cheer myself up or crack myself up, which ever comes first.

Ready. Set. Go.

Proof that I’m not the only one who loves ICHC.

Man this is hard. Maybe the attitude reboot requires caffeine? Or food? Will try again later.

The best moment of my mother’s day: at the Red Robin, I tore up some more chicken fingers and gave them to Freebird, who was happily munching in his high chair and being an absolute dream eating companion despite his status as A Toddler™.

He gave a big sigh and out of the blue said, “I love you Mommy.”

All it took was chicken fingers? Boo yah!

Seriously, I still melt a little when I think of it. Pretty earrings, donuts for breakfast, and my son telling me spontaneously that he loves me (ostensibly because I hooked him up with more chicken but I won’t quibble)? Perfection.

I laughed so hard I choked at this overheard in New York item. Holy crap that is funny. 

Allow me to rat on several citizens of the New York City commuting public. Visibly pregnant me was not offered a seat on the subway, and for some reason, that always shocks and appalls me. It’s not like I “need” the seat - I’m just fine. But when faced with a train full of men who sit with their legs spread like any minute they’ll have to leap directly into the saddle and ride horseback to work through the subway tunnels, I get a little pissed. Either get your behind up, or sit like a lady. It’s not even 8 am. Surely your balls don’t need air-drying already. Jeez.

Of course, I am at a stage where I don’t always look Absolutely Pregnant. It depends on what I’m wearing and what time of day it is. In the evening, I’m bigger and rounder and clearly something is a-bakin’ up front. But in the morning, I’m not as round, and if I’m wearing a shirt like the one I’ve got on today, I look mildly-fashion-challenged OR pregnant, and really, given the amount of muffin top and tight jeans camel toe on the subways lately, I can understand someone assuming that I’m merely a fashion idiot and not a pregnant lady. I could plead my case - really, really, I am NOT a person to wear empire waist shirts with big poufy fronts because I KNOW this makes me look like an overly-buxom dairy maid! I do know that, I do! - but it’s not that big a deal. Soon I will look Undeniably Preggo, and perhaps I’ll get a chance to sit down.