The fit test nearly knocked me over, proving how Not Fit I am, and today I did the first workout, which has some kind of name like Plyometric Asskickeration or something. I couldn’t even do the whole thing- and neither could some of the people IN the video, which made me feel slightly less like a total doofus. There’s a lot of squatting, bending, lunging, and jumping, which is good because I don’t need equipment or to set up anything, but on the other hand, my knees are not pleased with me since I do this workout in my kitchen on a hardwood floor. Knee pads might be in order.

But sweet holy moses, I need a new sports bra. I think this one is either stretched out, too big, or both, but I can’t do any card with my boobs bouncing on my chest. It’s like running while someone is doing CPR on you. Off to figure out my bra size and order a new one. Ooof.

I hope this is worth it. I think part of the problem is that I think truly fit people literally live in the gym. I know intellectually that’s not true - unless they’re models or trainers or something, and then they probably do live in a gym. But I should be able to see results in a half hour to 40 minute workout six out of seven days.

I am going to be SORE tomorrow. Oy. 

I’m going public with this one: I’m doing the Insanity workout for the next 60 days as much as I can manage.

The fit test nearly broke me, so tomorrow I’ll be blogging using one finger and some exhausted gesturing. 

So that other site I had with some other folks is closing down because we all have too many blogs. Can you imagine? Too many blogs? Heh, yeah. We had too many. One less means I’m back! And I know you’re hopping with excitement. Here’s the last entry I did at WhippedOut all about...what I had for DINNER. Can you stand the excitement?

Seriously, you need to try this recipe. I am totally having it for lunch.

I made Thai Pork Lettuce Wraps and garlic brown rice for dinner and OH HOLY THAILAND MOSES was it good.

First, the wraps: they came from America’s Test Kitchen (free registration required) and they were amazing. Every crazy step in that recipe, from toasting rice and making powder out of it to freezing chunks of pork tenderloin to grind up in the food processor, worked perfectly.

A word of warning: do not lean in to get a whiff of the pork as it cooks in the fish sauce and chicken broth. This is not a smell you will enjoy. But once the mixture is done, with the lime juice, fresh herbs, and shallots, oh, it’s wonderful. Especially all wrapped up in a lettuce leaf. So do not lean over that steamy bubbly pan and breathe in. You will regret it.

Second: brown rice! I put a cup of brown rice in a strainer, rinsed it, then put it in the rice cooker with 2.25 cups of water and two smashed garlic cloves. Ohhhhh, yummy, especially when soaking up the juice that leaked from the lettuce leaves as we ate them.

So - if you’re looking for a fresh tasting and delicious summer dinner, have at it. SO good. Yum.

And I’ll be back with regularly scheduled updates. Any questions or random musings you want me to address? Bring it on.

No, not Cunt. The other one, the less fun one.

In the past two weeks, three people I know have announced cancer diagnoses. One with tumors all over the goddam place, one with stage 3 lung cancer, and one who has breast cancer and is having surgery in 2 weeks. What the fucking hell!?

I’m having one of those moments of disconnect, where I think I’m a lot younger than I am (like 12), and this couldn’t possibly be happening to people my age. or about my age or a tiny bit older (you see what I did there?!). I’m holding my breath and crossing my fingers and hoping all surgeries and biopsies are as minimally alarming as biopsies and surgeries can possibly be. This can’t be happening to my friends and my family and people I know who are my age. We’re not old enough.

Except holy shit we are.

And in the meantime I’m now eating so much fiber I think my colon is likely to go on strike and physically leave my body. If I eat any more wheat, flax seed, beans or Fiber One, I might explode. But at least I’m eating that high fiber diet that is supposed to be so good for me.

I just reupped the hosting here, even though I’m a sporadic writer, but hey, if I paid my money, let’s do a list of least of my favorite things:

1. The parent who arrived at a party and announced how hung over he was. Yes. I’m absolutely going to schedule a playdate at that house.

2. Anyone who brags about their workout regimen.

3. Knowing that I’m running out of energy and patience and having to keep going anyway.

4. Anyone who brags about what they eat, how many what grams are in it, or how much fiber. OMG. Shut up.

5. Oh, fuck it. Anyone who brags, period. I remain irritated and baffled by anyone who thinks that what I do reflects on or affects them in any way, and I remain equally irritated and baffled by anyone who thinks that what they do affects me.

Life is a balance between knowing that the world was created for you, and that you are but a grain of sand in the cosmos. Some people lean too far one way, and don’t have enough of the other.

I’m really crabby this morning. I think I need to go live in a cave until I can better tolerate humanity.

Things I’m curious about but don’t have time to investigate:

1. Glee
2. Castle
3. Any reality show, particularly Amazing Race
4. Ceviche (recipes and making it for myself - I’ll eat it any time!)
5. Heirloom tomatoes
6. Fingerling potatoes (growing them. Eating them is no problem.)
7. Why I like peas when other people cook them.

Increasing the number of males in the house to 7: meet Buzz and Zeb.