I’m cranky. I’m feeling bloated. My stomach is puffy. My face is puffy. My arms are puffy. I’m cranky. I shouldn’t be around humanity, I’m so cranky. I’m forgetting things, putting things in places then not seeing them when I look there. I wandered around Kohl’s for 10 minutes not remembering what I was looking for.

I’m distracted, tired, and did I mention cranky?

And I’m all, “Well, damn, what the hell is wrong with me? Did I not get enough sleep? Am I sick? What the hell?”

Then I look at my calendar. Tomorrow: PERIOD DUE.

Oh. PMS.

I’m so PMS’d I can’t even remember what it is and when it shows up. That cannot be good.

A collection of random thoughts, aren’t you lucky!

- The word “mom” is a title. An honorific. It’s better than “mother” in my mind, and about the best thing I can be called by my kids. “Mommy” included. I hope every day I live up to and earn those titles.

- I hate shows about hoarding. Hate all of them. Hate. Can’t watch without feeling like I could throw up.

- How do my dogs and cats know what time it is? Wake up time, walk time, dinner time… bed time. We don’t need clocks. We can be herded by feline and canine timekeeping.

- Baba O’Riley’s room is FINALLY going to get painted. I have to pick a blue color. It’s not a big room. This is going to be difficult.

- “Things” is a marvelous to-do program, but I’m not sure it’s worth $50 yet. I am using the free trial, though.

- I love how every big task I have to do comes equipped with many other small preparatory tasks that I don’t have time for. Oh, well. For every good thing, there’s work, or a computer backup, or both.

Because nothing but workout talk is boring (even though this is as much for my own records as for public entertainemnt) I’ll talk about something else, but I’m almost 2 weeks into the Insanity, and while I don’t think I’ve lost weight, I do feel muscles yelling at me from places that have usually been very quiet. Have you ever strained your own ass? I have. Holy tilapia, does that hurt. Makes sitting somewhat uncomfortable and sitting is one of my favorite things to do!

First: debate of the day: do I (a) read a book I’ve been working on or (b) go see “Vampires Suck” at noon? I’m leaning toward work AM, reading PM, movie tomorrow. Especially because yesterday I was a bit of a slacker.

Second: Freebird’s camp has staff tipping. I HATE THIS. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I hate a tipping policy. It’s a northeastern US camp thing, and all the camps I’ve worked at (which is several) never allowed tipping for the staff. His day camp has tipping. UGH. It’s so freaking bothersome. I think it encourages favoritism and preferential treatment and sends the wrong motivational message. From the camp’s POV, if every other camp in the northeast does it (which almost all of them do) it makes it more difficult to find and keep good staff if the staff know they could get more money - and tips - elsewhere. I still loathe it. LOATHE. Strongly worded letter to the board, I’m writes one.

Third: I’ve become totally disenchanted with my easy-quick-supper repertoire, and am looking for quick and easy recipes. But I’m pretty pick: must be mostly protein with very, and I mean very, little carbohydrates. The sad truth of my ass, which is still sore, thanks for asking, is that for every gram of carb I eat, I gain five pounds. That’s actual math, too. I’m not exaggerating. So dinners are meat or fish or chicken (or chicken sausage), beans, greens or corn. Or sweet potatoes if I’m feeling really risqué.

Tonight I’m trying a chicken provencal recipe that allegedly can be completed in 30 minutes. Here’s hoping. But if you have quick and easy, high-protein recipes, particularly those with really flavory sauces, send ‘em my way. If the provencal recipe is good, I’ll post it here.

Which reminds me. I have to clean a car seat and get some chicken breasts defrosted, stat.

I was supposed to work out over the weekend, but since we spent Saturday at the beach in Connecticut and Sunday managing energetic dudes on a cloudy rainy day, I didn’t. I should have, though - the workout for today was cardio recovery, which was part balance, part stretching, part yoga, and part torturing my quads and groin muscles (I think I pulled one - ugh).

One thing I do like about the workout routines is that it makes me conscious of my quads and core and arms and what random muscles are doing when I’m not working out.

In other stuff, I stayed up too late watching the Hoff get badly roasted, so now I need to stare into space and attempt to be productive. This might not end well. 

Note to Future Morag: booking the boys’ birthday parties now, one in September and one in November, was a good idea. It’s done. You can go get favors later, and worry about cakes whenever, but the party part is done.

Oh, you should probably get a class list for Baba’s party. That’s coming up soon.

Otherwise, good job, present Morag, doing future Morag a favor. 

What I like about this crazy ass program is that I don’t need equipment. I just need a big ass glass of water and a towel to mop my “glowing” head. Today was tricep work and cardio sprints of various types, and of course I couldn’t do every last one, but I did more than yesterday.

I need to go lie down for a week now. I must be outta my mind.

The fit test nearly knocked me over, proving how Not Fit I am, and today I did the first workout, which has some kind of name like Plyometric Asskickeration or something. I couldn’t even do the whole thing- and neither could some of the people IN the video, which made me feel slightly less like a total doofus. There’s a lot of squatting, bending, lunging, and jumping, which is good because I don’t need equipment or to set up anything, but on the other hand, my knees are not pleased with me since I do this workout in my kitchen on a hardwood floor. Knee pads might be in order.

But sweet holy moses, I need a new sports bra. I think this one is either stretched out, too big, or both, but I can’t do any card with my boobs bouncing on my chest. It’s like running while someone is doing CPR on you. Off to figure out my bra size and order a new one. Ooof.

I hope this is worth it. I think part of the problem is that I think truly fit people literally live in the gym. I know intellectually that’s not true - unless they’re models or trainers or something, and then they probably do live in a gym. But I should be able to see results in a half hour to 40 minute workout six out of seven days.

I am going to be SORE tomorrow. Oy.