I absolutely loathe the Wake Up With Al show on the Weather channel. I absolutely hate it.

All I want is the weather. Just a forecast so I know while I’m getting dressed what I should wear. Instead I get jovial Roker and two lame co-hosts making ridiculous segments out of nothing (Let’s see where the Weather made the FRONT PAGE of the local PAPER! Let’s interview a celebrity about HAIL!) and barely applicable weather.

I would tolerate the computerized voice during the local forecast 24-7 more than I would the Al Roker self-love extravaganza. Sweet holy crap I hate that freaking show. I want information. I do not want to be entertained. I miss the science and explanations in the morning - like, for example, the high today is going to be 57, but the high will be reached at 10am and then temperatures will plummet so it’s 45 when I leave work and pick up my kids? That’s important crap I need to know. I don’t give a flying clusterfuck what celebrities think about the weather.

Oh, the stupidity. The outright, ridiculous, horrific stupidity. I can’t even get the weather without infotainmentlebrity shite.

Back in my cave I go.

Hey there:

If you’re like me, you might be jaw-drop disgusted with the Eagles’ decision to sign dog-abusing fucknoid Michael Vick to a 2 year contract. If it weren’t abject cruelty, I’d hope a dog bites him on the ass every day for the rest of his life, but that would be bad for the dog. The poor dog would end up being euthanized for taking a chomp out of an asshat who truly deserves it.

So perhaps you’re repulsed by the decision, and are looking for another team to root for.

May I suggest the Steelers? While green is a fabulous color, black is even better- everything goes with black. The Steelers are conveniently located in the same state, so it’s not like you have to go far, and who can get tickets anyway? And here’s the kicker (HAH!): once up on a time, they were the same team! So except for the part where the Steelers don’t have under contract any marginally remorseful felons with a propensity toward profiting over the outright cruel abuse of animals, it’s not all that different!

Come on over: we have great accessories, too. And even more silly accents! All you have to do is be able to spell “Roethlisberger” when you’re three sheets to the wind n’at.

Come ahn dahn,

Sarah

For non-qualified customers, including existing AT&T customers who want to upgrade from another phone or replace an iPhone 3G, the price with a new two-year agreement is $499 (8GB), $599 (16GB), or $699 (32GB).

Dear Apple:

Suck it.

I am so appalled I can’t even articulate aside from, ‘Bite me, you wanking assmonkeys.’ This is how you treat loyal customers?

I say again: suck it.

Sarah

It is against the law from this day forward for there to be a thunderstorm the Monday after Spring forward. So sayeth we, the residents of my house, who were all awake from 4:00 am onward.

That is all.

Pass the coffee, please. 

After all that hyperventilating, we have about 4 inches with another 4 to fall today. But I walked to the 6:46 train behind my house, and had the most relaxing commute. I knew the weather was going to get in my way so I didn’t worry about how I was going to get to work, and even though the train takes more than an hour, I was only 20 minutes late to work. Ahh. Train commuting is so great. Especially with an ebook reader.

Tonight I’m staying in the city for a fiction reading, and then I head home on the train - another relaxing hour or so. If only the train was a viable option on days when it’s not snowing like crazy.

And of course, half my office is out today because of the snow.

The weekend was marvelous - we went to Doylestown for a birthday party (I’m still full from the food) and did our very favorite thing: drove on winding roads through rural NJ and PA, there and back. I cross stitched obscenities and the ipod rejoiced that it wasn’t playing the Wiggles nonstop, and we relaxed.

Even though I’m up to my ears in a million different stressful things, I’m happy. 

1. My tonsils are swollen, which is either a sign of Heap Big Sickness coming my way, or a sign that something is stuck in them. I hate my tonsils. HATE them. I am so ready to have them taken out - but my understanding is that tonsillectomies on adults require about a week of recovery, with a lot of pain, and no talking. With two kids at ages 3 and 1, I am not sure how the no talking thing would work. So I’m waiting until they are older. Plus, with my allergy to medication, I can only take Percocet or Tylenol. I’m a fan of Mistress Percocet, but it makes me stupid loopy, and I would want to be the primary caregiver to either one of the dudes while I’m hopped on the loopies.

2. We’re going to get another 3” of snow today. I’d love to have a big dumpus storm. That would be awesome. A good foot and a half? Word.

3. I have a new windshield thing for my car. We don’t have a garage and I park in a public lot to catch the bus, and on days when there’s ice and snow, it’s a lot of work to excavate my car. I’m curious if this new thing, which wraps around the sides of the windshield so I can shut the door on it, will help at all. It’s amazing how few people sell windshield covers that actually look like they’ll work.

4. The Accutane adventure continues. I’m now back to wiping Vaseline in my nostrils and compulsively stocking lipbalm in strategic locations. While I was on the cruise last week, I worked out and then went in the steam room. The steam room was about the most blissfully wonderful thing I could have experienced on Accutane. OMG. Bliss.

The best part comes up next: any blackheads or skin congestion starts to get squeezed out so my skin feels like sandpaper. Until you look closely, and then: ew. And also, wow. 

Got my prescription. That was no sweat. But the quiz?!

I had to take a freaking QUIZ on birth control options. Holy crap. Male condoms, IUD inspection schedule, and my personal favorite, “I can get pregnant any time and anywhere I have sex, especially unprotected sex. Yes/No.”

Well, yes and no, people. Yes, SOME people can get pregnant any time and anywhere. But I’ll bet you four Intrauterine Inseminations and a bill from my endocrinologist that not everyone can. So put that in your uterus and smoke it.

Now to the pharmacist, who will have to special order the drugs, and then I have, like, 12 minutes and 42 seconds to pick them up. Sheesh.