*crunch crunch, crunch swish, crunch crunch*

- Sound of Morag chipping away at 4” of ice on the windshield of her car for 20 minutes.

*slurrrrrrrrrp*

- Sound of Morag drinking coffee as fast as possible to warm up after ice chipping excavation of car (both hers and Hubby’s)

*Attention all operators: the XBL is now open after an earlier disabled car in the Lincoln Tunnel. Traffic should be moving shortly*

- Sound of bus driver’s radio with news that the XBL (aka the eXpress Bus Lane) into the Lincoln Tunnel is now a mess and I will be in traffic.

*sigh*

- Morag realizing she forgot her cell phone.

*gulp*

- Morag realizing her Blackberry from work, which does not have phone service but does have data service, is completely dark from an uncharged battery.

*Attention all operators: there is an accident involving a bus and a car at the entrance to the XBL. Please use 495, which is bad, but moving.*

- Sound of bus driver’s radio telling me my commute is now about 1/2 hour to 45 minutes longer.

*Attention all operators: the accident at the XBL is now cleared*

- Sound of bus driver’s radio offering me false hope.

*Attention all operators: there is a disabled bus in the bus lane. Please use 495. If you are in the bus lane, the bus should be cleared soon.*

- Sound of bus driver’s radio mocking me for ever thinking I’d get to work on time.

*Thank you for riding NJ Transit*

- Sound of bus driver who would probably rather be at home sleeping at this point.

*Want to lose more weight this winter? You probably need to, so listen up!*

- Sound of absolutely fucking obnoxious tv/credit card machine in the taxi I took to work. I turned it off.

*That thing is annoying.*

- Sound of taxi driver who was grateful I shut the thing off.

*Thank you ma’am*

- Taxi driver after I gave him a really good tip. Someone needs to have a good day today, right?

Right. 

Dear Weather:

You are totally interrupting our plans to excavate the back yard and therefore pissing me off. Not only that but it’s not even SNOW you’re dumping over here. There’s ice on the trees, and slush on the roads, and on my driveway? I can only describe it as “Sno-cone.” It’s heavy, and it sucks, and at night when it gets below freezing I have a freaking skating rink for a driveway.

So if you could just be chilly or something for awhile, without the “sno-cone” dumpage, that’d be great. Because two storms of Sno-cone in 4 days makes for a very cranky Morag.

Achoo,

M.

So today, Hubby, Baba O’Riley and I drove nearly 2 hours north to go shop for kitchen items. We walked into a huge warehouse of sample kitchen setups, only to find that what we had listed in our planners as a 10am appointment was marked in the sales rep’s calendar as 11. I am reasonably sure that Hubby didn’t goof on that one because 11 is around when Baba eats. No way we would schedule for a time when we would be distracted by chow time.

No matter - we ended up working with someone good, and what I thought would take for freaking ever was not difficult at all. We’d been thinking about the kitchen, what we wanted, the decisions we’ve made (or the contractor made, really. We picked out 3 elements of the previous house’s kitchen reno total) and features we’d love to have so when it came time to pick things, Hubby and I were in this weird sync. We’re never in sync. If Hubby isn’t arguing, well… let me put it this way. You know how sharks that stop swimming die? I think if Hubby isn’t arguing every statement made in his direction, his head explodes.

But here’s a sample of what it was like with Morag & Hubby (and Baba, who doesn’t talk) in the kitchen design showcase:

Becky: “Here are some samples of door styles available in the finishes that you like. We have this one… this one… this one....”
Morag: “No… no… no… that one.”
Hubby: “I agree. That’s perfect.”
*cue Morag and Hubby waiting for giant earth tremor*

Becky: “These are the countertop samples in the composite material you mentioned you liked.”
Morag: “There’s a grey I saw at another place - do you have it?”
Becky: “This one?”
Hubby: “Oh, man, I like that.”
Morag: “I figured you would.”
Becky *looking shocked* : “Ok. So we’re moving on to hardware.”

That was the part that Hubby wasn’t interested in - he fed Baba while I picked out hardware. In the end we picked out two sets - one very traditional and somewhat boring, and one that’s kinda funky and looks more like the stone-style counter top. We picked out backsplash subway tile (for some reason I love subway tile backsplashes) and some other items, discussed what kind of features we wanted inside the cabinets, and that was it.

Here, however, are some things we did not pick:

Farmer’s sinks. Also known as apron sinks, this would not be a good look for our house, especially in this area. Besides, we think it would look like our counter had buck teeth.

A tile mural backsplash for over the sink or behind the range. While we are doing a different tile, it’s not a picture of anything, like a rooster, or for God’s sake, a naked dripping emaciated woman.

Now, there were a few tile murals in the store - apparently they are VERY hot or something - and one of them was words. “Sage.” “Parsley.” And you guessed it, “Rosemary” and “Thyme.”

Now look. If there are going to be words on my backsplash, you can bet your left asscheek that two of them will be “Gin” and “Juice.” And possibly “Bitches.”

Seeing as I’m a Member of the Tribe, I’m done with my holiday gift giving for now. So here are a few ideas for gifts for children that are (a) not hideously expensive and (b) passed the my-two-year-old-loves-it test.

The LeapFrog Fridge DJ. It’ll drive you nuts, but Freebird LOVES to dance to the music and play all the songs. Just don’t hate me when “Annie Ooo” gets stuck in your head.

We are...The Laurie Berkner Band DVD. Catchy kids music that encourages dancing and stomping. And if you can figure out why the HELL Laurie Berkner is wearing espadrilles and high heeled shoes in every. Freaking. Segment. I’d be very grateful. Is she 4’11”? What the hell is up with the shoes?!

And finally, the most treasured piece of clothing in Freebird’s wardrobe - and I’m nervous that I had a hard time finding one outside of the Wiggles site selling them in Australian dollars - the blue wiggle shirt.

So yesterday when I got home with both boys, I was aching to hold Baba. Just hold him and smell his head and talk to him and listen to him coo at me.

And I realized that the reason I was so cranky yesterday and so glum was that I really, really missed my dude. I am used to not seeing Freebird all day, and I know he loves school. But I missed Baba O’Riley so badly, all I wanted to do was hug him and rock him and listen to him burp.

When I went back to work after Freebird was born, the 2nd day was the hardest. This time, it was the third day. This weekend Hubby and I are going far north to go look at cabinetry and countertops for the kitchen renovation, and we’re bringing Baba with us, because he’s portable for the most part. I’m going to have a hard time not carrying him every minute, because my arms miss holding him, my nose misses the smell of his hair, and my whole body misses the feeling of taking a nap with him sleeping on my shoulder. 

Made it to work on time, rocked out to my iPod, and had a smile on my face most of the day.

But little things pile up to bug the shit out of me, and it’s harder not to get cranky.

Perhaps this means it is snack time. Yay, snacktime!

I have to say, having children is a surefire way to cure any average working person in this country of their blind American-workaholism. There’s this sense, especially in Manhattan, this pressure that if you’re not exhausted, sleepless, stressed out and working nonstop, you aren’t doing it right. Having a baby and a two year old taught me real freaking fast that all that working is so not the point.

Of course, I have a job and a half, maybe a job and three quarters of a second job, in order to make an attempt at building a life for myself that will allow me to take better care of my children in the long run. So I’m mad busy now, hoping I’ll be slightly less busy later.

But I hope I learn from the chaos that I need to appreciate the quiet times, that if I clear something from my schedule I do NOT and should NOT immediately replace it with something else.

I have enough on my plate. In fact, I need a smaller plate.

It’s time time of year for the ‘Oh, shit, gift’ feeling - when you realize that it’s time to acknowledge all the people who do stuff for you with a little something that demonstrates that you remembered them for the holidays. Hence the “oh, shit, gift” feeling because I don’t remember jackshit, much less to go shopping for a myriad of nice and appropriate little gifts that are kind and thoughtful but do not make me exceptionally without money. Because I have gifts to buy! All! Freaking! Month!

So - let’s talk about those people who need a nice little something. For me, that’s daycare folks, work folks, and if I remember, the mailman, the paper delivery dude, and the UPS man who comes to my house on a daily basis thanks to Amazon.com and my incredibly clicky fingers.

For work folks this year: homemade hot cocoa mix! I found this recipe on cookscountry.com and back in an earlier issue this year, but you have to pay to get it or get a free trial to get it. If you want it It’s very inexpensive: nonfat dry milk, cocoa powder, white chocolate chips, and confectioners sugar. Add to food processor, then enjoy.

I’m going to try to go to Big Lots or a similar store and buy mugs and maybe bags or cheap fabric, and put a ziploc bag of cocoa in the mug with instructions - or I might not want to carry mugs to work, and will use nice bags instead. Either way, yummy and easy and not too much money per gift.

Another idea? QVC. QVC loves you and wants you to be happy. And they sell collections of awesome dipped apples from Mrs. Prindables in sets of 12 or 16 or more, and with shipping they work out to about $3 per item. That’s a great amount to spend on teachers and crews of people where you want to make sure everyone gets something without your going broke in the process. And who doesn’t want to immediately eat an apple that’s been hosed down in caramel and chocolate and decorated with candy? It’s awesomeness in the guise of something partially healthy. Most of it’s an apple, so eat the whole thing!

So what are your ideas for necessary and creative gifts? It’s hard, isn’t it? I mean, you don’t want to spend too much, but then, a gift card for $5 is just… not good. So you have to come up with something that looks like more than it is.