I am getting more each week!

way I are sample: It is indeed “Push It.” By Salt n’Pepa. Insert Labor/Labor Day joke here.

Euphemisms for plastic surgery: Euphemisms? “Had work done?” “Moon Pie?” “Egg beating the picture frame?”

Clitorious image: Clitorious does not like having her picture taken. Fighting for our rights in satin tights tends to make her sweat like a warthog.

clitorious: She’s here, just not right now.

barnie annie’s organics: Bernie is the rabbit on Annie’s Organics, which we give to Freebird. Annie’s makes the chocolate bunnies, which are the Bird’s favorite food, and the bunnies, I assume, are Bernie. Ergo, we’re big fans.

emily yeung theme song: Great. Now it’s stuck in my head. You suck a butt. 

Dear Sleepy Woman in the seat next to me:

Stop falling asleep on me. It’s bothersome, uncomfortable, and kind of gross. Shall I wake you up with ringtones? I think I shall.

Jesus, lady. Wake up.

When Freebird bursts into song, he usually sings the same one a few times, and today: The Itsy Bitsy Spider. Or the Eensy Weensy Spider? I’ve heard it multiple ways. But now?! PIXBURG STAHLE!

De’ itsy bitsy spahder
Wennup de waahter spaaht.
Dahn came Lorraine
And Worshed de Spahder Aht!
Up came de’ sun
and drahd aht ol’ Lorraine
And de’ itsy bitsy spahder
Wennup de Spaaht agin! 

Back at my old site, I used to write a lot of entries to Freebird, usually monthly letters about how amazing he is. Then I stopped because dude. Children? Keep you busy.

So the pressure of letters to Freebird got to be too much, and while I do handwrite (YES HANDWRITE) a letter on his birthday, I stopped blogging letters. Really, I have to say, part of it is pressure on myself, and part of it is my general feeling of discomfort about revealing too much about my son online.

But - it’s time for a more manageable and yet not too revealing option: Top 10 Things about Freebird at 21 Months

Hubby and I have been talking with Freebird a lot about the “baby.” So far, Freebird knows that my belly has a baby, and that the baby is probably somewhere in my belly button. Hubby also has a belly button but obviously doesn’t have a baby behind it. Freebird will pat the baby in my belly, and will kiss my belly, but I don’t think he realizes that the baby is going to (a) not live in there forever and (b) will be moving in with us.

Last night I was talking with Freebird while had dinner about the word “brother,” since Freebird will be a “big brother,” and the baby will be “small” and “little,” and being a “big brother” is an important job, etc etc. Freebird happily repeated the words “big brother” and “brother,” and then said, “Baby with yogurt?”

This stumped me until I realized that Freebird’s favorite brand of yogurt is “Yo Baby.” And while we’ve been talking about the baby, Freebird apparently thinks we’re talking about yogurt. A lot of yogurt will be moving into the house, apparently. I hope the yogurt will let us sleep in longer than 2-hour intervals. 

I had this thought I was going to write down in this little box here, and damned if I can remember what it was. Or what it schwas.

I think my memory is compromised by the fact that Fukui is now locked in the office with me again because he crapped on the landing, which is So Not Ok, and he’s hollerating at me. You should hear him. I wonder if I can record sound, and if lodging a sound file of my cat on my blog might be The Lamest Thing Ever Done in the History of the Internet.

But trust me, he’s big and loud and he’s PISSED. But then, so am I. There were turds on the landing, and we have so many damn litterboxes it’s not to be believed. But where doth Fukui crap? On the landing. WTF?

If I start working on stuff, I wonder if I’ll start typing out “MEOUUUUUUUUUUW” whenever Fu yells at me, and pepper my draft with cat hollering. Won’t that be great?

Baba O’Riley is officially a low rider. I waddle like nothing else, and having had Freebird in much the same position the last month I was pregnant with him, I remember the feeling. The low rider drives a little slower, and so do I.

Meanwhile, we’ve actually made Noticeable Progress with the office/Baba’s room. It’s fully cleaned out, though there are boxes of books that are to be donated still in the room. I found a bureau on Craig’s List that will work, and we already have the basinette from when Freebird was a baby. The basinette in my family was used by me, my sister, and my two cousins, and by my father and aunt when they were babies, and by my grandmother when SHE was a baby. It’s made out of a laundry basket from the hotel my family used to own, and I believe my great-grandfather made it. They were hoteliers back in Atlantic City when going to AC was The Thing To Do.

Anyway, it’s awesome. My grandmother, who passed away last summer, sewed two sets of linens for it, one in yellow plaid that my sister and I had, and one in a really jazzy red fabric for my cousins. We have both sets, and I’ll probably hold on to the whole kit and caboodle since my cousins are probably the next to have children, and both of them live in apartments. But it makes me really happy to use the family heirloom basinette.

So we have a room, a bureau, a basinette, and I ordered a light fixture to replace the broken one - for $10 from Amazon.com. Go me!

The absolutely funny thing about all this is: none of it, save the light fixture, will go IN the room. We are too superstitious, and will not furnish the room until after delivery. The bureau will be under a sheet in the basement, and the basinette is packed up in cloth and paper in the basement as well. The items will be in the house, but they won’t be in the room - a very important distinction.

So we have all this stuff, but it won’t be seen for awhile.