This entry made me laugh so hard my boobs hurt. OMG.

Seriously. I hurt.

A friend of Hubby’s is going to become the father of triplet girls tomorrow, and one of the things the father was writing about on his own site was his need for a OMG Much Bigger Car (along with a whole mess of other OMG Much Bigger stuff, in sets of 3). They already have a toddler, who is almost 3, so that’s instant four-kid schlepping power needed in one complete vehicle.

I think they went with a Toyota Sienna minivan with an 8-seat configuration, which makes a lot of sense. Given that Hubby and I both have cars, and that this fall, God willing, we will have two kids, every so often I start pondering the sizable upgrade of vehicular power.

With a duo of small children, a 5 passenger car is just fine in the beginning, I think. Hubby has a Prius, and I have the Badass Mommy Mobile, aka the dark blue Toyota Matrix with the Boomboom Stereo Option. Seriously. This stereo has BASS. I am definitely washed in the glow from the red digital display and rendered much, much cooler. And 230% more awesome. There’s room in the back seat for the infant seat base and the current Throne of Freebird, and that’ll probably work until Freebird starts kindergarten or thereabouts.

But eventually, there shall be car pool and schlepping, and the toting of friends along with the children, and then I shall have to ponder the larger vehicle with More Schlepping Power.

Now, I am not a big fan of SUVs, primarily in terms of gas mileage and economics. I love the Incredible Schlepping Power of an SUV and some of them are just spiffy looking, but the gas mileage? Oy. I think it’s patently ridiculous that the Ford Escape Hybrid is advertised on television as getting 34 miles per gallon, like that’s something to get excited about. My blooming white ass! Are you kidding me? Our former VW got 38 miles per gallon, without a hybrid engine. Hubby’s car, which is a gas-electric hybrid, averages about 48-52 miles per gallon. Mine, which is less efficient with all-wheel-drive and is not a hybrid, averages about 37-38 - and I find that slightly unsettling.  So why is 34 mpg with a hybrid engine something to write home about? (The obvious answer being that most of the cars on the road today get abysmal mileage, since the miles-per-gallon ratio wasn’t something that people paid attention to until very recently when gas prices went skyrocketing.)

Of course, the selection of cars in the US that have tolerable gas mileage averages and seat more than 2 passengers is slim to none. There’s the Escape hybrid (snort), the Mountaineer hybrid, and some other newer Toyotas with hybrid engines coming soon. I heard at the Minnesota State Fair Toyota exhibit (yes, they had an exhibit) that all Toyotas would be available with hybrid engines as of 2010. So potentially gas mileage on the whole could improve, but not by much.

I fully recognize that I’m going to have to take my gas mileage high horse and shove it up my behind when it comes to buying a larger car with the ability to schlep the family plus assorted friends, or pets, or luggage, or all of the above. Minivans and SUVs don’t get the best of mileage, since they weigh a lot and carry even more. That said, for the life of me I can’t understand why with the increase in gas prices and the consumer focus on miles-per-gallon, there isn’t more attention paid to designing cars that can seat 6 or 7 passengers yet still maintain a 30+ miles-per-gallon ratio. Hell, 25 mpg for combined highway and city driving would be nice. Most minivans, for example, average 20 mpg combined. Why is there not more of a vocal demand for higher mpg vehicles designed with family schlepping in mind? I just don’t get it.

Of course, there’s always the station wagon: I could go for a retro Wagonaire model, especially if I could find one with wood panel sides and a rear-facing back seat, aka the “way back” or the “back back.” That would be most awesome and oh-so-cool. I can just see Freebird and Baba O’Rileys friends running (the other way) when I pull in the driveway for carpool.

Ultimately I’m going to have to compromise and suck it up, since the need to port multiple kids and share the carpooling and schlepping will outweigh any miles-per-gallon preference I might have. And I’m curious- what kind of car do you drive? Do you like it? (NB: I don’t think you’re a monster if you drive an SUV. I personally don’t want one, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have what you want, or, worse, that I’ll look down my nose at you for having one. Really. It’s hard to not sound like a snobby buttmunch on a blog entry regarding things like this, but ask anyone who knows me in real life: I’m not going to pronounce you as destined for Hades because you drive an Escalade.) So, what’s your ride?